Q | Why do I need a healthcare proxy?
A healthcare proxy is someone you choose to make medical decisions for you if you become unable due to a serious illness or injury. By learning about goals and preferences for your care in advance, they can speak up on your behalf during treatment for your illness or injury. Choosing a healthcare proxy is especially important if you want someone other than your next of kin to make medical decisions for you.
Example. A nonbinary person chooses their niece as their healthcare proxy because she knows and respects their wishes. They do not want their brother, their next of kin, to be able to make medical decisions for them if they became unable because he does not accept their gender identity.
Important. It is best to name a healthcare proxy early, before you are sick or at the end of life.
Q | What does next of kin mean? Is my next of kin the only one who can make healthcare decisions for me if I can’t?
Next of kin is your spouse or closest living blood relative, such as adult children, parents, and siblings. Without naming your healthcare proxy of choice, your next of kin would be the one who will make medical decisions when you are no longer able. The order used to designate your next of kin varies by state. Use a search engine like Google to look up your state’s default surrogate decision maker laws.
Example. In the Commonwealth of Virginia, next of kin would be named from the following list, in this order:
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legal guardian
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spouse
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adult child
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parent
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adult sibling
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another relative
If you do not want your next of kin to make healthcare decisions for you, or if you’d prefer a person in your chosen family to fill that role, it is important to name your preferred person as your healthcare proxy. Otherwise, the default decision maker will be your next of kin.
Example. A trans man is estranged from his biological family because they did not support him after he transitioned. He does not want his sister, his next of kin, to be involved in his care, so he names a trusted friend to be his healthcare proxy.
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Q | How do I choose a healthcare proxy?
When choosing a healthcare proxy, think about the adults you know who you would trust to make medical decisions for you if you were unable. Your healthcare proxy could be a chosen or biological family member, a friend, a neighbor, a member of your faith community, or any member of your social network who is not directly involved in your medical or mental health care. You may or may not choose someone who is closest to you. This depends on whether or not you think they would be able to make decisions about your care in line with your wishes. Once you have asked someone to be your healthcare proxy, you can officially appoint them in your advance directive.
For more information on choosing a healthcare proxy, see this resource from The Conversation Project→.
Q |What do I do if I can’t think of anyone to name as my healthcare proxy?
Your healthcare proxy could be a chosen or biological family member, a friend, or any member of your social network who is not directly involved in your medical or mental health care. Here are some people you can consider:
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Spouse or Partner
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Adult child (at least 18 years old)
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Chosen family member
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Friend
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Sibling
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Cousin
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Aunt/Uncle/“Aunkle”
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Niece/Nephew/Nibling
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Trusted neighbor
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Trusted colleague
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Member of your faith community
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Parent
If you still don’t know who your healthcare proxy could be, try brainstorming some options with a counselor, therapist, trans-friendly faith leader, or trusted healthcare provider. You can also complete your advance directive without naming a healthcare proxy. This way you will at least have a record of your goals and preferences if you don’t have someone to make medical decisions for you when you’re sick or during an emergency.
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Q | How do I talk to someone I trust about being my healthcare proxy?
To talk to someone you trust about being your healthcare proxy:
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Ask them if they would be comfortable in that role.
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Talk to them about what the role means and what they would have to do.
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Make sure they understand what matters to you about your care.
For more information about talking to your healthcare proxy, see this resource from The Conversation Project→.
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